.............when possible, to stay in touch. But somehow life seems so busy always. I have a long list of things to do, things to fix, people to call, places to go, books to open, projects to start-finish-complete, slam the book shut on..........but it doesn't seem to happen. Meanwhile I feel that my busy, full life, although wonderful, may be passing me by. Am I missing the small sweet things? Little snippets of daily life which allow a pause, a break, a quietness, some silence, peace of mind, stare into space, put up my feet, sip an iced drink through a slow straw, see pictures in clouds, or nothingness for a short while.
My sleeping front porch cherub.
Remember when we were children, how Summer seemed so long, so full of endless sunshiny days, no agendas, no rules, no deadlines - in fact when I was a child I doubt 'deadline' was even a word. I thought today would be a day like those eons ago, where I could rise without an alarm clock jolting me from a sound sleep. A day I could own. I planned to spend a little early morning time pruning the jasmine - it bolted again with the rains and is encroaching on the front entry to the cottage. It just didn't start off right. Last night's torrential rain and house-shaking thunder brought a dreary, damp morning. Soon it was humid and mosquitoes were swarming from the damp leaves. Instead I made the usual big pot of coffee even though Bob's away, and sipped until almost lunchtime. In between I did laundry, ironed, pulled out clothes for the upcoming trip, chose a few pieces of jewelry to take, looked in horror at the piles of toiletries and cosmetics I don't need to take for a little Summer vacation. I sent a few e-mails, I worked on a blog post about Kamchatka in Russia. I made healthy, green spinach and zucchini soup for when Bob comes home tomorrow. I thought about family members who have drifted away and how I miss them. I had my neighbors (three generations - a grandma, daughter and granddaughter) over for wine, cheese and a chat this evening. I thought about the lovely day I spent yesterday with my granddaughter at the mall...............and recalled how I seemed to be the only female there not wearing short shorts which made me realize I am old.
Yes, I am (getting) old. A good friend celebrated a birthday today, she is older than me. Most of my long time friends are as old or a little older than me. My few much younger friends - bless them for wanting me around - are marvelous women. I watch them, I listen to them, I see their energy, their lightness, their hopes and dreams for the future.....it enthralls me and makes me want to be young again, even a bit younger would do. I love their company and am happy when with them. They make me 'feel young', whatever that means.
And now this day is almost over. Did I waste it, not really I suppose. Was it perfect, no, but it was pleasant and it brought me to this late evening feeling grateful for the hours I had.