The birds are back this morning. Bright sparks of color in the cold,
crisp morning sunshine.
I sit here trying to think of a positive post for this January week, but it's
hard because I'm a woman of a certain age who's feeling that
age . . . . . and doesn't like it much.
This year is the one when my October birthday will be the last one
starting with a seven! I ask myself how can I have become this old.
I felt quite young until the pandemic hit. Since then I feel I have aged
ten years despite it being just two years.
Bob says we have been robbed of two precious years. No overseas
travel, very little domestic travel, only short distances driven, too many
doctor visits, hurried shopping trips for mostly just the basics.
Overloaded with cooking daily for so long. Never ending garden chores.
Noting the cottage needs a deep clean now that Christmas is packed away.
Realizing my energy level is low and my nerve pain isn't leaving after two
months of physiotherapy, an MRI has dictated I need - and my insurance
has now authorized I can try - a steroid injection into my lower spine
rather than a surgery, which I don't want.
I go this Friday in hopes my right leg will get relief so I can walk, stand
and bend with much less, and hopefully, no pain.
Then I will get moving again, sleep better, and perhaps feel younger
which would be empowering.
If I had wings I would fly away today.
Where?
I'm homesick.
So probably home across the pond to England.
I've never been away from my country for such a long time.
We do hope to go in early summer, fingers are tightly crossed.
The beautiful cardinals returned in full force yesterday.
After a night of torrential rain, wind, and thunder, the cold front blasted in.
Heavy snowflakes fell for several hours yesterday, but no sticking
as the ground was still too warm. It was a pretty sight though and
I still hope for a snowy dusting another time.
Last night the temperature dropped to 27F, our first feeling of real winter
weather so the heating was turned back on.
A thin layer of ice glistens on the bird baths today.
The feeders are filled and the birds are returning, they too
seem confused by this strange winter weather.
Life is good in so many ways.
We just have to open our eyes and grasp the moments before
they are gone.
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I totally agree with your last sentence, dear Mary, and I constantly think of how lucky I am. I have not lost one minute of paid work, or a friend or family member to the virus - that is a lot more than many can say after almost 2 years!
ReplyDeleteLike you, I miss my regular England trips but have no idea whether it will be possible this summer.
Poor you, constant pain can truly affect us and dampen the spirit. Hopefully, the injection helps. If I were you, I would also prefer that to an operation.
I just love cardinals. I still remember seeing my first cardinal in the US
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that you are still suffering Mary .... I have everything crossed that the injection will give you some relief. On the plus side, you look amazing and you and Bob have a beautiful house and garden which I love seeing. I do know that, the older I get, the harder it is to keep uo with the garden and house but, onwards and upwards. Sending lots of love and healing vibes. XXXX
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are in pain. Hopefully the shots will work! It must be so hard not to travel, as you two are great travelers!
ReplyDeleteHello Dear Mary, I am so sorry about those physical issues you are having, and hope and pray the injection will be just what is needed. Steroids can do wonders for many people. Anything is better than surgery, in my not very well informed opinion! Thank you for your always lovely photos and words here on this gorgeous blog of yours. You have an eye for all things good and lovely. It's uplifting. I'll be thinking of you on Friday.
ReplyDeleteDearest Mary,
ReplyDeleteIt is for sure a feeling of being robbed from our precious time and we all are running out of it...!
We had the same weather as you got, except the frost will hit tonight.
Such a difference.
My severe mid-back arthritis pain is slowly leaving me; slept very tight for the first time in weeks. It makes one weak and tired.
Deep cleaning not yet started here as the two painters did not show up yesterday, neither today. Wonder when we ever get back to normal!
Stay warm and cozy and hope your steroid injection is giving you the much needed relieve.
Big hugs,
Mariette
I know you've been homesick for awhile and I don't blame you. This darn pandemic is really a pain in the tush - in many ways!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're experiencing this nerve pain in your back and leg. I hope not a dumb question, but do they know what is causing the nerve pain - do you have a herniated disk or something else? If you have a steroid injection, what happens then when it wears off? Have you tried acupuncture? It can work miracles for nerve pain without any dangerous side effects like steroids can have.
This year is my last one in the decade with the 5's...yep, the big six-oh is looming this summer. That number tends to freak me out...50's don't sound too old, but once you hit 60, you're mostly seen as a senior citizen. Which makes me laugh because I certainly don't feel like it. I guess that's the good part though! ;-)
Thinking of you, hope things are better and brighter soon. ❤️☺️🙏
ReplyDeleteDear Mary - so much of what you write, I feel too, but I try to remain optimistic. Time is short, and it no longer has much meaning as all of the days appear to merge into one another.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful that the family are all well and in work when so many others are suffering badly.
The weather too has been good, the mildest Christmas here on record. The sun is shinning brightly so we have just been out for a run in the car, but mainly to see what is happening outside our own four walls.
Yes, that is what we must do. I do understand feeling as you do, missing home, wanting Freedom! We all yearn for that.
ReplyDeleteWishing you a successful steroid procedure, travel to your beloved home, peace and tranquility ~~~ in the New Year.
ReplyDeleteIt was both a pleasure and a pain to read your post. You articulated my circumstances exactly. With this Pandemic, I am going through the stages of grief. Right now I'm at the angry phase. Before retirement I worked 42 years, saved my money, ran a home and raised a child, did volunteer work etc. -- a good and responsible citizen. NOW was supposed to be my reward: Cruises, trips to Europe and the Caribbean, Christmas in NYC. I was never one to waste time or be ungrateful -- But these 2 years have robbed and frustrated me -- and wasted my few remaining years. Instead I have a chronic condition, plus back pain, am bored and restless and no way to get away from the tedium. I am so tried of emptying that dishwasher! Blogs have become a true joy to me now - your's especially. Thank you for being brave enough to put a voice to what us "women of a certain age" are feeling. I hope and pray that your pain is abated and life continues to be good to you and spouse. My only advice: spend the money you would have used for travel on hiring outside help. (I even had my windows washed by professionals - brightened my outlook tremendously).
ReplyDeleteDear Mary,
ReplyDeleteConstant pain can be so dampening to the spirit as well as the body. Our 35 year old daughter is experiencing back issues (going on 6 months now), and there are days when she talks about life being so bleak. We do as much as we can to help her. She has an MRI scheduled next week and is going to physio, so I hope she gets some relief. And I hope the steroid shot helps you find relief from your leg pain.
And I so hope this variant of the pandemic is short-lived, and we can soon return to a more normal life. Your cardinals are such pretty birds. The only red bird we have in our garden is a House Finch, with a red breast (male). I did see a couple of American Robins the other day, but they are more rust than red. Keeping fingers crossed with you for a trip to your homeland soon.
Lorrie xo
I am sorry to hear of your pain and hope the steroid injections give you relief. I love the photos of the cardinals as it is always a treat to see their bright red color in the garden.
ReplyDeleteI hope Covid cooperates and you feel well enough to travel home to England this summer! Something to look forward to. You are right when you say that we must enjoy today as time does go by so quickly!
Ah, dear Mary, I am only a couple of years behind you :) .. and feeling many of the same things. The pandemic has indeed robbed us of several years, at a time of life when each and every day is precious. No travel makes me feel dull! We were very lucky to squeeze in a Garden Tour week last April during a lull between waves. Now the 4th wave is sweeping our country, and the health systems are buckling, the queues are endless and so it goes. The cardinals are adorable, and how lovely our feathered friends still come to sing and bring joy to us. I do so hope the spinal injection helps you, and there are better days ahead. Hugs. xxx
ReplyDeleteDer Mary,
ReplyDeleteI'm going to take your message to heart, especially your last sentence. Hope your doctor visit results in helping you combat your pain and also gives you lasting relief.